Secret Admirer II

i wanna tell you... but donno how to say it...
knowin dat i cant... an i shouldnt... makes it worse...
an knowin dat you wont believe me... seems as if this situation's purpose,
is only to annoy an break me down... 

strong emotions show, but when it comes to sayin it,
aint no way to short cut or put a sway in it,
the situation kills me, an the fact that im hurt, is jus decayin it,
its like i found a puddle of confused emotions to sit an play in it...

an im hurt once more, an beggin for someone wit the power to heal,
but i think what i beggin for, is too impossible to be real,
an the feelings im longin for, is impossible to feel,
an since its a harsh world, i must keep the nice ways of mine, concealed...

i must remain darkly hidden,
to touch an enjoy your ways, an personality, now set as a law, as strictly forbidden,
the heart that beats for hope for us, must now remain in prison,
kept away from your knowledge, no longer will you hear the motive of my beatin rhythm...

its a loose loose situation that im facing,
hopin that one day, youll save my day, an i can end the pursuit of the chasin,
an you can call me yours, an i can call you mine,
an we can loose each other, makin love, an brakin each other's spine...

im down for willin to wait, if its worth it,
but its like the harsh reality truth, is beginning to surface,
that me an you will never be together, an dis is where optomisum comes into play,
cuz im tryin to figure out why i like you soo much, an whats the effin purpose...

ive never bin a bullshitter, i've always kept it real,
an ever since we met, i think my heart, id offer you, just to steal,
an all the dreams an fantasies, i wanna make it real,
if only i can show you how i feel...

Life & Lemons

Never before, has change bin so essential in my life, wouldnt it be nice to say,

Everyday wasnt a constant battle, everytime, a different price to pay,

people usually look at the sun in the mornin, an can say "its a new day",

but i see it as, more opportunities to try to slow me down, in a new way...

ive bin dealin with such dark clouds over my head, for such a long time now,

that when ever the sun comes out, i donno how to act, when it shines now,

im thankful for who i became, an i embrace this life of mine now,

im just hopin that ONE DAY, ill stop wishing i can live life in rewind now...

tryin to hold on to days filled with love,

an wonderful people that i begged for protection over there lifes to up above,

but they all left, an unfortunate things happened, now my life of pics is stuck on a thumb tac,

stuck, goin half crazy, wonderin if those wonderful days will ever come back...

i snapped my finger, an i went from a boy to a man,

forced to stand on my own two feet, an thought me early, how to provide when i can,

i just wanted to be like everyone else,  an no matter how hard i tried, but it would never happen,

started early with the weed smokin, alcohol drinkin, gangs an rappin...

i never had the same thoughts as my pares,

i wasnt the one you could ask to reveal my fears,

ive bin tru so much, ive never bin a man scared to ever reveal my tears,

no one's supposed to see you cry is what my moms told me tho, so i hold it in, for years...

lost close friends on there own special birthday celebrations,

i watched people i grow to love, suddenly play games of elimination,

ive watched people i trusted with everything, make me the dummy for trustin them,

so many women that lied, only because of the level of lust in them...

ive always waited for someone that would show me love, just like i would show to them,

an in all my years, very few has stuck, the rest i guess just didnt have enuff love in them,

an if we're on the same page, you would never have to question if im just another thug or friend,

an imma nice guy, an if i love you, to protect you, ill be a thug til the end...

an thank God that life is hard for me,

cuz if he took it e-z on me this whole time, i would have a whole different life story,

an as bad it sounds, an harsh to say,

but just keep my hurt an pain days comin, im love with the pain anyway...

i drink, an smoke, to ease the pain,

i think alot, so sometimes, to slow down, i smoke good to ease the brain,

just call me the misunderstood, cuz imma good guy, 

but they point an say, no matter what i try, that he's insane...

imma product of my environment, cut from a different cloth,

i was born different, like thinkin differently, was made with its own different sport,

the playground, the arena, with its own different court,

with its own set of rules, i think when its time for me to be done, God is gon stick me with a whole different fork...

im makin the best out of this life of mine, even tho im considered rebel or renegade,

i just think differently from the next man, from the rich, to penny wage,

im the bad guy, tryin to do good, an get me payed over here,

cuz when life gives you lemons, lets jus say, im makin lemonade over here...

Weapons of Deception:

"people are lead to believe that nottin's more deadlier than a weapon... when truly indeed, it is equvivalent to heart ache an deception"

"led to believe one thing, and finding out the other... causin even two people close as lovers to go against each other"

"the plague, the black cloud that rains darkness ova the eyes... all fueled an energized, all by deceit and lies"

"the virus in disguise, infecting everything in it's path... stronger than any army, because anything that tries to fight falls against it's wrath"

"the sniper which uses no precision for its attacks... but stealth, an silence, an grows stronger from the behavior to which it's victoms reacts"

"holdin the gun of choas fully loaded, aimed to fill the brain with clouds of confussion... creatin everything said to you to be believed as an illusion"

"adredaline pumps the heart creating the full blast of unstable thoughts... creatin giants out of miggits, causin one fight to feel like all battles ever fought"

"making agression levels raise, while consious thinkin falls... an everyone around you gets victomised, while your sanity calls"

"grudges are formed, an pride builds inside... and you feel this way an all, because your loved one had something to hide"

"telling one thing, and doing another is jus like getting a weapon involved... two hard blows to the head an heart, both problems to get solved."

Secret Admirer

Forbidden territory is what i had to get myself stuck on... 

imma man of morals, an standards... 

an i follow standards based mainly on "old school" traditions... 

so in other words, reguardless of how good that woman look, if she's taken, she's off limits... 

an boy am i a man to push limits... smh... 

not sayin that im a home wrecker, an wants to see chaos, an domestic violence... 

im just simply saying, there's always an exception to the rules... 

an she is definitely one of them... 

she makes me wanna take a few years back to the past, 

an do what the lil kids used to do in class, 

with sending poems, an love notes, an smilie faces an shiznick like that... 

its not too many people you come across that can wake up such beautiful feelings inside, 

that have bin buried for sooo long... 

an due to the fact that she's taken, makes it even rougher to be "just a friend"... 

ive always looked at myself as above the food chain, 

or atleast to the top of it...  so in other words, 

i was the least likely kid in school to get picked on if you know what i mean...

an usually with such a mentally, 

that man would just have the mind set to just take what he wants, 

and ask questions later... 

but due to me also being a man of respect, 

off limits means, off limits... 

because not only is this woman's skin deep beauty, up to par, 

but she's a "quality" woman... a limited edition... the Cadillac of women... 

an i have always loved quality over quantity...

an even tho she's imperfect, the ironic twist is, 

her imperfections is simply just what makes her perfect... 

so for now, i hide, an remain out of sight, and out of mind... 

if it is ment to be, then it will find its way... 

til then, ill just admire you, in secret...

does first impressions really count?

i donno about you guys, but i know what chemistry feels like between one person to another... an without a word being said, between me and that particular person, with just eye contact, body movements, facial expressions, hand gestures, to even the "look tag game" when one stops an stares, an catches the other looking, so the other looks away... an vice versa... i think we all have experienced what im talking about, but the question still remains, does the "first" impression really count? the first time you saw that particular person, an just came up with a quick judgment of weather you like em or not...